Originally Posted by josh sense
sorry for your loss. right now i havent spoken to my little brother or known his whereabouts since may. i fear the worst for him on a daily basis.


I wish the best for you man. I really hope you find him and he is ok. You and he will be in my thoughts. I really cant explain what it feels like to lose a brother, but for quite some time mine was severely ill. I never expected him to die the way he did, but I suppose thats life for me. It was a really strange feeling a year ago today, as we were watching the devastation on the televison for the first time, and as I looked over there was my brother in his wheelchair sitting in front of a birthday cake. My family made the best of the worst situation, and one year later to the day we find ourselves doing the exact same thing on the anniversary of katrina, and the birth of my brother, now 2 months after his death. I dont think I can accept any more turmoil this year, as it has been a constant dredge through a sea of shit without a paddle.

Best wishes for everyone and there families.
Joe


Rest in Peace Larry 8/29/73-6/7/06 Happy birthday my boy. I hope youre doing something good up there.!

Dear Joseph,
Here is your horoscope
for Sunday, August 27:

Enlisting people for a cause is an art, but fortunately, you're an artist. The most winning way to approach the situation is to make people want to work for you. The extra dose of charisma the stars give you helps too.

Dear Joseph,
Here is your horoscope
for Monday, August 28:

Are you taking yourself out of the race because you think you can't compete? Your chances of winning are much better than you think. Plus, you could feel worse that you didn't think enough of your abilities to even try.

Fortunately I have decided to stay in this race. This applies to other situations in my life as of now too. Its more a decision to not give up, which for all situations in my life right now is extrememly hard. Giving up would be the coward and blind thing to do, and I am not sure I am ready to be either just yet. I am hoping to somehow find myself out in New York for my vacation, I believe a lot of the questions I have will be answered out there.

I DONT know who this pertains to so I ponder
Dear Joseph,
Here is your horoscope
for Monday, August 21:

Someone craves your attention, but you're not in a space where you can give it without feeling drained. If anyone knows how to turn this negative into a positive, it's you. You can find a way out.

Dear Joseph,
Here is your horoscope
for Tuesday, July 25:

While all these coincidences may not be as big and dramatic as you'd like, take heart -- they are a sign that you're on the right track. Just don't let this encouragement push you into taking a foolish action.

So life is ok I suppose. Working out and beginning to train for boxing has been a great help for me. I really dont know what I would do if it werent for my best friend Mikey though. The last month of my life could have been horrible since my brother died, and in a sense it has been. Above all the other people I dreamed I could have depended on in a situation like this, mikey is the only one REALLY pulling me through this shit. In a sense I DID lose my brother BUT, I gained one in return. There have been periods in my life when I devoted my entire being to a person or a friend or whatever, and never have I ever been able to say that anyone has supported me such as mikey is. He is truly exactly like me and there is a certain comfort in knowing that there ACTUALLY are people out there like me, and that I actually have the privilage to KNOW this person.

Every night I get out of work and there is nothing for me to do but think about what is going on in my life, and honestly I am not happy, I am not happy with who I am or what I am doing, or the decisions I have made to get myself where I am now. The only thing I have going for me now, is knowing I will do my best to be the person I know I need to be, and to take it one step at a time. I never was happy before, I dont think I really know what it means to be happy because for so long I wasnt concerned with that concept. Well FUCK THAT. There is nothing now to get in my way of happiness, and I dont give a fuck about anyone who wants to get in my way. "Life is like a fight, and every waking moment you spend breathing, you spend fighting".

I cant get back the things I have lost, and I cant take back time, but what I can do is love those people around me, and do whatever it takes to make sure my world is never demolished again, and if it ever is, I will be a stronger person by then to accept it.

right now marks the dawn of a new day. right now I plot out my future, sadly No One will see it, and its better that way. I always told myself the world wouldnt be ready for what I would do if my brother was taken from me....well now its too late for that. There is something great out there waiting for me , and I can feel it for the first time in my life, and I am gonna take it.

Somewhere out there my brother is smiling on me, and I feel it. Its like He is pushing me through this shit I am in, and His strength is going to get me through this rut I am in.

" you can feel power"

Peace
Joe