Well it seems like there is much to talk about here. First off I went to see xmen 3 last night, and it was everything I hoped it would be. I think I may have turned a corner recently, as I am growing nearer to not wanting to go out and do anything which is unhealthy anymore. Drinking is even becoming a hassle to me and that is shocking, especially since I have been on a liquid diet for quite some time now.
Jessica is giving my dog away, and I hate this so much because I have failed a reasonably depthy responsibility. What can I do, I am stuck in between a rock and a hard place. I am sure she will go to a good home and all, but I just dont feel she deserves this. Who knows maybe she will like it better. I guess I was an asshole father for her or whatever, its prolly better this way.
It seems like I have been clinging on to something which isnt there lately. I dont know what it is, but I definitely sense it, and I think I would rather just figure it out and remove it from my life. I dont know what it is so maybe a drastic life change is in order that way I can assure getting rid of it. The thought of moving away has been in my mind as well. There really isnt anything here holding me back anymore, and I think this could be my only chance to experience SOMETHING in my life.
I find I am tired of lying to myself, TIRED of ratonalizing things which make me unhappy, and tired of allowing things to happen to me which I have no control over making better. The time is now for me to change, and the time is now for me to cut my losses. Where do I go? what do I do? Who can I trust?
THESE are all questions I better have figured out before my next journal entry, or I feel it wont be a good one.
It is so hard to fight the negativity that constantly pounds away at me. I think it is owed mainly to guilt, and sheer fucking desperation. I think that if I can focus my thoughts at some point I will be ok, and may be able to dodge this hate-filled bullet, but is to be seen.

I guess in more simple terms I need to live a life more selfishly to get anywhere. But the thing is this...thats not who I am, and the irony there is...."I need to be someone I am not, to be the person I want to be".