well my mind has been running a thousand miles per hour lately. the loss of my brother last week almost killed me, but i am still here. nightmares are haunting my mind, and visions are preventing me from focusing, but at certain points in the day i am actually capable of aligning these thoughts and feelings which makes for a certain amount of clarity if only for a brief moment. i feel like i am able to focus more and more lately. Things are making more and more sense as I peice them together.

I have made a point of noticing the difference in my life now since there are several "factors" which are no longer involved, and it seems to be working in my favor on some points, and on other points it is definitely hindering my ability to do what I think I need to do. I Realize now that the decisions I made in the past were totally wrong, and definitely changed the outcome of my life this far, and on some situations I will never forgive myself for that.

As far as work goes I am not happy there, the only reason I am still there is because Mikey is there, and I dont know how long thats gonna keep me there either.


I miss my life dearly, it seems as though it has gone away, and now I am just this THING which wont stop for anything. I suppose it can only get better. I really dont care at this point about anything else besides making sure I am ok, and the people I care about are ok.

There are no more acquaintances in my life, not at this point anyway. Maybe making new friends would be good for me though.