So life is ok I suppose. Working out and beginning to train for boxing has been a great help for me. I really dont know what I would do if it werent for my best friend Mikey though. The last month of my life could have been horrible since my brother died, and in a sense it has been. Above all the other people I dreamed I could have depended on in a situation like this, mikey is the only one REALLY pulling me through this shit. In a sense I DID lose my brother BUT, I gained one in return. There have been periods in my life when I devoted my entire being to a person or a friend or whatever, and never have I ever been able to say that anyone has supported me such as mikey is. He is truly exactly like me and there is a certain comfort in knowing that there ACTUALLY are people out there like me, and that I actually have the privilage to KNOW this person.

Every night I get out of work and there is nothing for me to do but think about what is going on in my life, and honestly I am not happy, I am not happy with who I am or what I am doing, or the decisions I have made to get myself where I am now. The only thing I have going for me now, is knowing I will do my best to be the person I know I need to be, and to take it one step at a time. I never was happy before, I dont think I really know what it means to be happy because for so long I wasnt concerned with that concept. Well FUCK THAT. There is nothing now to get in my way of happiness, and I dont give a fuck about anyone who wants to get in my way. "Life is like a fight, and every waking moment you spend breathing, you spend fighting".

I cant get back the things I have lost, and I cant take back time, but what I can do is love those people around me, and do whatever it takes to make sure my world is never demolished again, and if it ever is, I will be a stronger person by then to accept it.

right now marks the dawn of a new day. right now I plot out my future, sadly No One will see it, and its better that way. I always told myself the world wouldnt be ready for what I would do if my brother was taken from me....well now its too late for that. There is something great out there waiting for me , and I can feel it for the first time in my life, and I am gonna take it.

Somewhere out there my brother is smiling on me, and I feel it. Its like He is pushing me through this shit I am in, and His strength is going to get me through this rut I am in.

" you can feel power"

Peace
Joe