Today was a normal day, as per usual we kicked the living shit outta baton rouges walk in cooler, THEY ARE OUT DONE. cant wait to see how much money I am getting on my next check to know if I can get my Brakes fixed or not. Hopefully I will be getting a nice tax check, so I can feel safe getting a new place to live, which I am less than thrilled about but whatever. Random thoughts of going on a massive drinking binge are running rampid through my mind, but "survey says" NEGATIVE. I feel pretty dam good about being somewhat normal the last few days, and depending more on good friendship than the need to fill some void which was usually never filled in any positive way. Today I realized that there is beauty in all things even pain( which I am really up to par with lately) I also realize that all I want in life is to make someone realize what I am capable of, and to have them be content with that. Its not that I dont want to live up to any expectations, its more that I want to live up to being as good a person as I know I can be mainly spiritually. Knowing this allows me to whole heartedly KNOW I will do great things in life, whether or not people notice means NOTHING to me, but the ones who count always seem to notice, so thats another great thing for me. I guess what I mean to say is this...I am not as bad off as I thought I was, and I no longer feel sorry for myself, I am happy in my own skin, and I know that there are great things ahead in life for me, and all those around me. I guess reflecting on that is what made me sense the " there is beauty in everything" notion I had mentioned earlier. SO fuck this self loathing bullshit, fuck this hoping things will change, fuck wishing the impossible, all I am going to do from here on out....is live MY LIFE, and do what I know makes me a stronger person. Thank God I am not in the self destruction mode anymore, I look back and see myself as being so fucking weak, but hey it was necassry to see the things i needed to see.

The world is looking up
Cheers
Joe

Well Mardi Gras has come and gone. I went through the motions of the whole thing, but as I thought it wasnt the same. I have been spending a lot of time with some of the best people in the world. They are keeping my head on straight, and keeping me from doing stupid shit. I cant see 2 feet in front of my face right now. I have no idea what the future brings for me at all. AT this point I would be happy with something routine, and something definite, but all I have is life by the moment. I thought my life was fucked before, well it is even more so now. Sometimes knowing too much of something you dont care to know at all is worse than being completely ignorant. Greatfully work has given a little leighway for me to breathe as I am not working QUITE as much as before.
WEll more to come, I hope.

By Jim Morrison
Power

I can make the earth stop in
its tracks. I made the
blue cars go away.

I can make myself invisible or small.
I can become gigantic & reach the
farthest things. I can change
the course of nature.
I can place myself anywhere in
space or time.
I can summon the dead.
I can perceive events on other worlds,
in my deepest inner mind,
& in the minds of others.

I can

I am

Nothing really exciting happened yesterday
Nothing interesting one may say.


yesterday was a run of the mill day for me. I saw a friend who I havent seen in a while that everyone was worried about. He told me all is good, and well, and what is to come for his future. ,Other than that a few burns on my hands from some jackass leaving the gas running without a pilot lit at work, so when I went to light the dam thing it engulfed my hand in fire. I have decided I am accident prone sometimes in the kitchen, but then again who isnt especially when they are surrounded by a bunch of rookie wanna be chefs who will never make it. I have been working in Baton Rouge since the kitchen in Nola isnt ready yet, and sending food from BR TO NOLA kinda like a commissary. The cooks in BR are fuckin garbage compared to us which really allows me to see how much "food" is a big part of New Orleans, and how mmost other places can't even compare. I got a new puppy the other day. She is beautiful, a Australian Cattle breed AKA blue healer. She is yet a puppy, but seemingly intelligent which is a plus, she has already learned a few tricks which amazes me at her age.
I got her from the 'BEST FRIENDS" animal shelter last week, just before they were gonna have to put her down, so that makes me feel good. I have been volunteering my time to the Best friends people, doing some cooking for them as it certainly seems they needed some help in that department(they were eating nothing but canned food...yuck)
My parents are back in town, they finally got their FEMA TRAILOR which is suppose to suffice as a place for them to live since their house was destroyed in the hurricane,,pfft.

o well this rant is over for now, prolly more to come though.

I chose this poem because edgar allen poe is my favorite poet. I am sure alot of people feel this way too. This particular poem hits home for me so I wanted to share.

A Dream
by: Edgar Allen Poe

In visions of the dark night
I have dreamed of joy departed-
But a waking dream of life and light
Hath left me broken-hearted.

Ah! what is not a dream by day
To him whose eyes are cast
On things around him with a ray
Turned back upon the past?

That holy dream- that holy dream,
While all the world were chiding,
Hath cheered me as a lovely beam
A lonely spirit guiding.

What though that light, thro' storm and night,
So trembled from afar-
What could there be more purely bright
In Truth's day-star?